Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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