Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
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