i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
