what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
