Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
