Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
