i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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