she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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