Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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