She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
