Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
