If that was your dad, he is hot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Still dying that you shit outside
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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