i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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