Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
