just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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