in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
