woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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