im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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