I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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