Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
