FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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