I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
