She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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