If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
