we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
