i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
