The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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