i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
