non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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