My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You smell like stripper and shame
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
