Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
