I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
