dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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