The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
