it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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