they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
is it fun? or sober?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
