I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
