I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
