Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
