i already hear my dad disowning me
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
