Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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