mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
