I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
