The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
