Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
