Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he shaved USA in his pubs
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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