I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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