Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
