No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
false alarm, still single
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
