But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
