don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
