you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
