My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
