I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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