I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have post one night stand depression
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
